Does your teen own a cell phone? If you answered yes, then he or she is one of the 75% of youth ages 12–17 who do.
Many parents get their teens cell phones so they can reach them in an emergency. Parents also want to be able to talk to their children at any time. What they don’t want is the phone to be used for sexy purposes.
Have you heard of “sexting”? Perhaps “sextortion”?
These are words made up by people in the media to refer to situations where someone sends a sexy photo to someone else using the picture text messaging function on a cell phone (sexting). In extreme cases, that are more hypothetical than real, the recipient of the picture may extort the sender for money so that his or her naked picture is not released to others (sextortion).
To hear the media’s account, all young people are “doing it.” If you’re a teenager with a phone, then you’re sending sexy pictures.
The data seem to be telling a different story, though. In a recent national telephone survey conducted by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, 4% of teens said they have sent a sexually suggestive or graphic image of themselves to some via text message. Only 15% have received such an image from someone they know. Not surprisingly given typical adolescent sexual development, older teens were more likely to report sexting, with 8% of 17-year-olds having sent a nude or partially nude image of themselves via text message and 30% of teens having received such a picture.
When young people are asked about their experiences with “sexting,” many say it starts out as consensual, but then takes a turn when the relationship ends. Exes will send the previously private pictures to their friends as a way to get back at the other person. Sometimes too, there may be pressure from the get-go. A 2008 survey from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reports that 51% of teen girls believe that “pressure from a guy” is why girls send sexual images. In Florida, for example, an 18-year-old high school senior who had recently broken up with his 16-year-old girlfriend emailed everyone on his ex-girlfriend’s email contact list nude images that she had originally emailed only to him.
So, what’s a parent to do?
Talk to your teens. Talk to them about these likely scenarios: that adolescents just like them, in relationships just as committed as theirs, believed that they could send sexy photos to each other that would stay private. Ask your teenager to imagine, though, what they think would happen if the couple were to break up. What would happen to the sexy photos? Also, talk to them about pressure from their boyfriend or girlfriend as well as from their friends. While it can sometimes seem really important to do what your friends want you to, what happens if that photo ever gets out? It’s not something that can be taken back—ever.
Assure your teens that every day is a new day; every time they’re faced with a choice is a new chance to make the right one. We may not always make the right decisions when we are using technology, but hopefully we can learn from our mistakes. Even better—we can learn from other’s mistakes before they become ours.
References:
Amanda Lenhart et al., “Teens and Mobile Phones,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, April 20, 2010.
Stefanie Olsen, “When to Buy Your Child a Cell phone,” The New York Times, June 9, 2010.
Tara Parker-Pope, “When Your Child Is the Cyberbully,” The New York Times, June 29, 2010.
Dena T. Sacco et al., “Sexting: Youth Practices and Legal Implications,” The Berkman Center for Internet & Society, Harvard University, June 22, 2010.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmogirl.com, “Sex and Tech: Results from a Survey of Teens and Young Adults,” 2008.
Michele Ybarra, Kimberly Mitchell, and Dorothy L. Espelage, “Comparisons of Bully and Unwanted Sexual Experiences Online and Offline Among a National Sample of Youth,” Internet Solutions for Kids, 2010.
Michele Ybarra, Kimberly Mitchell, and Amanda Lenhart, “Cyberbullying Research in the United States,” Internet Solutions for Kids, 2004.